The people around here think I work too hard/much. I think they don't work enough. Acutally that's not fair. I think they are very good at letting work go. I am not. (ya, you can all laugh now...cause you know it's true).
Someone asked me why I work so hard/much. Especially those who know that I am getting only 50% of my salary. It's not the big bucks, that's clear. The money has never been much of a motivator for me mostly because I don't really have a good sense of it. I am horrible with money. I don't realize what I need it for and what having a lot of it around could do for me.
It's not the appreciation from my team/colleagues (there's very little of that aside from my boss who herself deserves millions more accolades). I think I work really hard for two reasons;
- I am a perfectionist. It's clearly a personality flaw. I am one of those people who think the only way to do something right is to do it yourself. baaaaaaaaaaaad news
- I have this odd sense of pride in my reputation.
I know if everything here on this project goes to pot the finger will be pointed in my direction. Clearly it won't be my fault but it's easier for people to blame the consultant. I suppose I am overly sensitive when people slag consultants. It makes me want to work harder to prove them wrong. Hence a viscious circle.
They will also blame my boss who has worked so hard to get this project to where it is (in my opinion the most successful development project Plan has ever had). She doesn't deserve any of the blame but she'll get and take it personally. And so I sit here on Sunday afternoon...
I was out with a friend on Friday who left the crazy project management world a few years back for many reasons. As we walked by his old office building he said he really misses it. That was quite shocking for me to hear but makes total sense.
Some days all I want to do is walk away from this stress and chaos but I never do and wonder why. It makes me stressed, exhausted, sick and often a sobbing mess so why not leave? Clearly that's the correct response. I think, like him, I would miss it. Glutton for punishment? maybe.
Okay I am babbling and need to get back to finding lost users and posting random documents so I can go and enjoy the fall colours before dark. Just wanted to get that out of my system.
I should also mention that I had a bit of a reunion with friends I met in Sierra Leone on friday. It was great to see Anna, Laura and Quirien again. Just like old times we did ridiculous things. There were no random glass-eating men nor beverage distribution little people but it was fun none-the-less. :-)
Back to work for me. Just over 40 days left. Only 100 or so more countries to go live in...should be exciting times! Keep the Christmas Starbucks cups and Festive Specials warm for me!
Congrats to Tim and Shannon and welcome to their weee one Thatcher (great name btw) and a Happy Happy B-day to Xenia-on-a-top (you know who you are!)!!!! Oh and welcome home Ms Parks! I hear you do a wicked Johnny W...can't wait to see it! :P
cheers!
7 comments:
My dear Tina.
First - it's so true - Cin's Johny Wilkinson impression is my favourite part of this weekend. I can't believe you weren't there to see it! It was A-MA-ZING and so hilarious!
Second - you could work have as hard as you do and still be a star compared to others around you. Pleasse know that this project will go well, but don't forget to enjoy your last few weeks away from home.
In the mean time - I will be looking for the right snow shoes for you to buy upon your return. Then we will have wonderful snowy hikes that erase work stress from your mind every time.
Missing you
xo
C
that's C. I was thinking yesterday that we have to do a day where we go for a snowshoe and then curl up on the couch with hot cocoa and watch Greys! superb!
Few things...
First - I've noticed that I can't spell...
"Work have" should have been "work half" and since when does please have two s's... Oh well...
Second - there is also GREAT plans in the works come January and some snow for a Saturday morning snowshoe (with thermoses of hot chocolate), followed by self-indulgent pampering and relaxation at Le Nordic. With wine and cheese. It's going to be glorious.
Third - we are not only going to talk about midnight snowy adventures that require head lamps - but actually implement them this year.
Fourth - Cin and I went to a Bikram class yesterday. We both felt so great afterwards that we are going to try and make that happen at least once a week.
And fifth... you know there is always tea, hot chocolate and yummy treats awaiting visiting friends at my house!
You're not even going to have time to think about work when you get back here!! We can't wait to have you back!
Yay, sweet shout out to me in your blog. I knew there was a reason I came here one a week to follow your adventures.
I know about the stresses of being a manager in the consulting world but somewhere along the lines (probably of gold prices hitting $600 and increasing) that I needed to let go a bit and that there would always be more work waiting tomorrow. I know that doesn't help you much but you at least see that you're working to hard/much and that's the first step right? ;)
xenia-on-a-top... the lovely name created over beers at POETS when my email had an x. Hee!
Hey T.
Yeah I remember those PM'ing days, evenings, stresses, and the lack of any recognition.
I'm glad I have (more or less) let it go, and grasped onto something more recondite and perhaps even more valuable -- aka poetry -- though I also admit the compen$ation is tenuous at best.
go Habs!!!
mq
Oh LaTina... There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your work! It certainly seems to me that you have taken advantage of all the great places you've been in spite of work! Enjoy all parts of your life, and no job is truly perfect to me unless it occasionally makes me cry.
Love
Yenn
Ok so chiming in a little late here, but I know I work too much but you know what? I like my work. So me working too much is usually enjoyable. And I know deep down you like it too. . . .
As long as you're happy, keep on keepin' on!
Post a Comment